


cause i'm as sick as my secrets

by Anonymous



Category: Marilyn Manson (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Choking, M/M, Mild Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:14:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25305100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: it sure sucks when the person you want to spend the rest of your life with isn't the person you imagine yourself with in the future
Relationships: John 5/Marilyn Manson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2
Collections: Anonymous





	cause i'm as sick as my secrets

**Author's Note:**

> very vague vent fic, kinda vague smut, we had a bad night and john/manson was right there soooo  
> also title from a backstreet boys song too why do i have bsb titled i hate those mfs  
> bad tagging cuz mobile

"i love you. so, so, so much." john's voice wavers slightly. "you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, bri, i swear on my life. you're the person i _want_ to spend the rest of my life with."   
  
brian's expression doesn't budge. he looks uninterested, almost far away. he always looks like that. distant and far off, not interested. "then why are you crying, john?" he asks, even _sounding_ uninterested. john didn't even realise he was crying. he reaches out to place his hand on john's shoulder, but he shrinks into himself, away from brian.  
  
john refuses to meet brian's eyes. "you're the only person i've ever wanted to have a life with. the only one, brian. i love you more than anything on this planet and i want to grow old with you and fade out of the spotlight with you and reminisce about all the dumb shit we've done," brian flinches when he hears john curse. "and all that stupid bullshit couples do. but god damn it, god fucking damn it, i just. . can't imagine any of that. no matter how fucking hard i try, it's impossible for me to picture us together in _a month_ , much less multiple years."  
  
"are you. . .are you saying you want to break up?" brian asks after a long minute of thinking, of taking in john's words. for once, he seems shocked. for once, it seems like john's words have meaning to him. it's hard to believe he's surprised, what with john avoiding him the end of tour and him rooming with the other guys on hotel nights. and it wasn't just that, it was obvious to everyone else john was unhappy. it was obvious he wanted changes in life, something new. maybe brian ignored the signs, maybe he didn't see them. but it was written in stone weeks ago that they were going to end, whether or not brian knew.  
  
"what else would i be saying, brian?" john says, finally looking up to look at brian. he goes to run his hands through his freshly bleached hair - a stress indicator of john's, ginger'd told brian the first week they met him - but brian grabs him by the wrists and pulls him into a kiss. john lets him and kisses back. because he's john and he never claimed to be a smart man.  
  


* * *

  
"put your hands on my neck," john chokes out. brian doesn't say anything, just gives a quizzical look. "please baby," he gasps out, being rocked by the force of brian's fucking him. "make me feel good."  
  
brian hesitantly grabs john by the throat, squeezing so softly. and john _moans_ , pushing up against his hand. "harder." john whispers and brian isn't really sure what he wants harder. "fuck and choke me harder."   
  


* * *

  
when john comes, brian lets go of him and john says 'i love you'. brian ignores it. when brian comes, in john 'cause john's into that, john says it again. he still ignores it.  
  


* * *

  
john falls asleep on the opposite side of the bed. still naked and under a spooky eyeball throw blanket. brian falls asleep as far away from him as possible, wearing pajama bottoms and under his covers.  
  
john wakes up in brian's arms, his little blanket thrown to the floor.

**Author's Note:**

> may perhaps get rewritten into a bigger thing
> 
> edit feb. 1st 2021: i don't support marilyn manson anymore. i'm not sure whether or not i want to keep this fic up, but it will stay here until i come to a decision. this was written and posted before i knew the extents of just how bad he is. i don't intend for this fic to cause any harm.


End file.
